In life, faking it can often work. For example, I happen to love the phrase ‘fake it ’til you make it’ – because as anyone who reads a lot of strategy or success psychology will know; convince yourself of something enough and it often happens.
Unless you’re talking about orgasms.
Faking orgasms is never a good idea, it only leads to frustration and sexual unfulfillment and I for one, can’t understand why anyone would ever fake it.
Today it’s National Orgasm Day and recent figures from a survey conducted by Illicit Encounters (it would have to be a dodgy affair enabling site, wouldn’t it?) revealed that according to men, faking orgasms is third in the top 3 mistakes women make in the sack. I applaud these men because they must realise – it’s truly the most futile attempt at having a great sex life.
Here’s why –
If you’re having sex in the first place, then I’m going to assume you’d like some kind of climax. If so, it’s quite obvious that faking an orgasm is never going to result in that, you’re just setting yourself up for a pattern of failed attempts in the future – because your partner will mistakenly think they know what gets you off. And they’ll be wrong.
It’s stupid, stupid, stupid!
If you want your sexual liaison to culminate in a climax, then you should be either letting your partner know how best to make that happen or addressing the problem yourself, if it’s psychological. Faking it is insulting to both yourself and your partner. Not to mention totally misleading.
If you don’t really want to be having sex but are anyway (for a partner, let’s say; but you can’t really be bothered for yourself) then you have no need to fake a climax. Even to satisfy your partner’s ego. Trust me – you might be tempted, in order to make them feel good. But at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with sex that doesn’t culminate in climax and you should make that clear to them. Sex without an orgasm can still be fun and it can still be satisfying – but bring fake into the equation and you’re unknowingly setting yourself up for a future of faking, because – you guessed it! Your partner won’t have a clue how to actually get you off.
Is that really what you want? A partner who diligently think’s he’s doing the right thing, but in actual fact, you’re about as far away from climax as Dawn French is from anorexia?
Just how are you going to break it to them when you finally get sick of faking and want to reclaim your orgasm? “Sweetie sorry, but all those other times I was just being theatrical. None of what you’re doing actually works!” Imagine how they’ll feel.
Humiliated, embarrassed, inadequate.
You’ll be lucky if they ever satisfy you again, they probably won’t have the nerve to even try.
In short, you wouldn’t want your partner to feel any of those things above and I’m sure your intentions are noble – I’m sure you just want to save them the hard work or the slight ego dent when you have to give them a bit of guidance. But trust me – start faking and you’re locking yourself into a vicious circle of lies and a sex life that’s less than satisfying.
You may think it’s harmless to your sex life and simply easier than lying there for ages. But the fact is, you don’t have to lie there for ages. If you want to stop, then stop! If you’re not in the mood to climax, have some respect for your partner and tell them! A faked orgasm here and there quickly leads to serial faking, because the confusion over what exactly satisfies you grows with each time you fake. Meaning you’ve got even more reason to fake, because the poor bastard thinks you get off more easily than you really do!
Surely this is common sense.
I can honestly say, I have NEVER faked an orgasm. It hasn’t even occurred to me to do it! I can remember being a teenager with my first sexual partner, and being so irritated by the fact that he couldn’t seem to get me to climax. With his tongue, his hands, his dick – anything. And yes, I felt sorry for him – but he was as inexperienced as I was. I didn’t insult him with an over-dramatised performance like Meg Ryan’s and resign myself to doing this every time we had sex from then on. I simply told him that I wasn’t quite there yet and we figured it out.
Taking control of your sex life and having any respect for your partner, means faking should be out of the question – no exceptions. Don’t do it to yourself and don’t do it to them!
And remember – there is always a genuine reason your orgasm has gone AWOL. Don’t cover for it or it’s likely you’ll never find it again.